Going: Familial

My grandparents' estate is slowly being settled, which means I'm sporadically getting emails about this, that, and the other. It's educational in the sense of making note of things we ought/ought-not do in regards to our own finality; but it's really raking me over the roller-coaster coals as it keeps daddy-issues close to the surface that really fare much better when they're stuffed deep down.

First off, is the realization that had he not passed first, I wouldn't benefit in any way. An addendum to that is that had my grandparents passed while I was still a minor, we STILL wouldn't have seen one red penny of child support despite him receiving a share of the estate.

Second on the docket is the fact that my grandmother's passing hit me kind of hard. Knew it was coming (and it IS inevitable)--surprised it hadn't already occurred--but I really was not okay with it. It's when I took up painting again. I HAD to have an outlet. (I didn't do another piece until my sister's miscarriage a few months later). I think my grief stems more from the fact that it was a relationship that couldn't happen. That wasn't allowed to happen. A precaution taken, ultimately for HER protection. So SHE wasn't put into an awkward spot by having info, but being asked not to share it. He was a manipulative creep (in my opinion) and we figured the less she knew, the easier it would be for her ultimately.

However, by the time it was "safe" the damage was already done. There really wasn't a way to salvage what might have been had circumstances been different. So almost 8yrs after his passing, my persevering grandmother passed away--after burying her husband 20yrs earlier, and her baby boy 8yrs earlier.

And I never really knew her....

I guess one of the reasons I never pursued it has to do with the "there's three sides to every story," except this particular story is multi-faceted beyond that because of all the varying perspectives. Every conversation ultimately touched on some painful reminder of all the years lost, and the lack of understanding of WHY those years had been lost. That side of the family has blinders to how he was in his relationship with my mother. Our leaving still seems from left-field to them.

But also, there's the fact that I nearly died because my grandmother was watching us and did not follow my mom's directions about not letting us play in the backyard. Praises be for my sister.

And then there's the recognition that she and grandpa (and even the rest of the family to an extent) bailed him out of every problem he had. He didn't exactly suffer through his consequences and therefore didn't learn some of the lessons that would have served him well.

And the added fact that she allowed him to be disrespectful to her and her property.

Once you add up all that mess, there isn't much room to build the foundation of a relationship.

I never really had a relationship with ANY of my grandparents.....
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